Sunday, November 15, 2009

day 14 - almost

Almost

You think, bloody amazing, we’ve made it
and step onto English soil
groggy and stiff limbed from the flight.

But then there’s customs,
a maze of barriers, a human train
winding in and out, moving forward an inch,
my son lies on the floor and howls
if the twins come near him
my patience is frayed to the last thread.

But then, a guardian angel,
an official in a turban, directs us to the fast lane
‘families with children this way’
we almost run, embarrassed, leaving the rest behind.

2 comments:

  1. wow! i try not to critique but this poem is almost DONE and quite lovely. The more I like something the more I suggest edits so I'm just gonna paste t here - of course - all comments are subjective. yay!

    Almost

    You think, bloody amazing, we’ve made it
    and step onto English soil
    groggy and stiff limbed from the flight.

    But then there’s customs,
    a maze of barriers, a human train
    winding in and out, moving forward an inch,

    my son lies on the floor and howls
    if the twins come near him
    but then, an angel, an official

    in a turban, directs us to the
    ‘families with children this way’
    lane. We almost run.

    --not sure that this is a complete edit or if the title almost is doing as much for you but really great work!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Jessie, thanks so much, I'll definitely consider your suggestions after the dust dies down! Titles are the hardest thing if they don't come with the poem.

    ReplyDelete